Dances with Cucumbers

We’ve been away but now we’re back!

Posted on September 5, 2016 by toearlyretirement

Here at Dances with Cucumbers we’ve been a bit sporadic. We’ve been working on other projects and a little bit in hibernation over winter.

To celebrate Spring we’re back with a new bumper bunch of Blasphememes!

Can you hear the drums for Nandos (by Jacqui)

Men in Black (by Jacqui)

Amanda Parma (by Jacqui)

V for Vienetta (by Jacqui)

I Dream of Deanie (by Jacqui)

The Changing of the Guard (by Jacqui)

Keep Calm and Carry On (by Jacqui)

Golden Gaytime Bridge (by Jacqui)

Lucy in the Sky with Almonds (by Jacqui)

Dashi through the Snow (by Jacqui)

The Bush Family Reunion (by Jacqui)

Core Vidal (by Jacqui)

The Daily Show with John Stuart Mill (by Jacqui)

Caramello Koarl Marx (by Jacqui)

Gilbert and George and Sullivan (by Jacqui)

Durian Durian (by Jacqui)

Pokiemon Go (by Jacqui)

Mein Leibe Hare (by Jacqui)

The Lino King (by Jacqui)

Splenda in the Grass (by Jacqui)

The Baklava (by Jacqui)

Cold Drip Mountain (by Jacqui)

Rocky Road Picture Show (by Fleur)

Bridge Over the River Chai (by Fleur)

Fraulein Sally Bowls (by Fleur)

Grills on Film (by Fleur)

*N Sink (by Fleur)

Crays of our Lives (by Fleur)

Stephen Cold Bear (by Fleur)

Edgar Allen Poem (by Fleur)

J. G. Bollard (by Fleur)

San Choi Mao (by Fleur)

Sven Diagram (by Fleur)

Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (by Fleur)

The Great Redback Dragon and the Woman Clothed in the Sun (by Fleur)

Rosehip Replacement Tea (by Fleur)

Fear and Clothing in Las Vegas (by Fleur)

Goat for Pedro (by Fleur)

Colbert and Ernie (by Fleur)

Heather Locklear (by Fleur)

A boy named Sous chef (by Fleur)

Lancing Queen (by Fleur)

Parcel Marceau (by Jacqui)

Ra-ra-ras-poutine (by Jacqui)

Lolly Parton (by Fleur)

Lassi (by Fleur)

Miscellany

Posted on June 1, 2016 by toearlyretirement

There doesn’t seem to be a coherent theme trying this lot of Blasphememes together, so I’m calling it miscellany.

Elmo and Louise (by Jacqui)

Thaw (by Jacqui)

Wintour is Coming (by Jacqui)

Faux Fur Pho (by Fleur)

Sultana Brando (by Jacqui)

Marc Bowlin’ (by Jacqui)

Bonnet Prince Charlie (by Jacqui)

Vitruvian Dan (by Fleur)

Carmina Piranha (by Fleur)

When my baby smiles at me I go to Freo (by Jacqui)

Hares to the British Throne (by Fleur)

Jane Air (by Fleur)

Scarf Face (by Fleur)

Rene Margarita (by Jacqui)

Fedoral Bureau of Investigations (by Jacqui)

Leonardo di Cardio (by Fleur)

My Fair Lady (by Jacqui)

Antonin Dvorshark (by Jacqui)

Maximilian Robes Pierre (by Jacqui)

Toast Busters (by Fleur)

And Christ said unto the attendant, “Give me that pitcher of water, and I shall turn it into wine”, and the attendant replied “which one? The one with Handels Messiah?” And Jesus wept.

Colin Barrel (by Fleur)

May the Fourth be with you

Posted on May 5, 2016 by toearlyretirement

This post comes just after International Star Wars Appreciation day. There are only a couple of Star Wars ones in here, and a whole bunch of other ones, although Princess Layer Cake was by far the most popular on our Facebook.

This edition also included the death of Prince, so there’s a couple of memorimemes in here too.

Enjoy!

Hakuna Tomato (by Jacqui)

Friands (by Jacqui)

Banana Mouskouri (by Jacqui)

Jerry SpringOnion (by Fleur)

Lady and the Trampoline (by Jacqui)

Lady Chatterbox’s Lover (by Jacqui)

Lou Reed – Transformer (by Fleur)

Tolstoyry (by Jacqui)

A whole new Word (by Fleur)

Princess Layer Cake (by Jacqui)

Batman Turner Overdrive (by Jacqui)

Monty Python and the Holy Quail (by Fleur)

Raspberry Sorbet (by Fleur)

Pigmalion (by Jacqui)

Casablanket (by Jacqui)

Terrorarium (by Fleur)

Kylo Ren and Stimpy (by Fleur)

O Superman (by Fleur)

Purple Grain (by Fleur)

The Line King (by Fleur)

Little Red Courgette (by Fleur)

101 Dolmades (by Fleur)

Pop Culture Madness

Posted on April 14, 2016 by toearlyretirement

This edition has the most pop culture references yet! And so many Harry Potters… enjoy!

Dr. Strangelove or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Lolly Gobble Bliss Bombs (by Jacqui)

Licorice you were here (by Jacqui)

Judith and Butler (by Jacqui)

Salvador Doily (by Jacqui)

Ferrero Ro Cher (by Jacqui)

A Street Car Named Desiree (by Jacqui)

Tennisy Williams (by Jacqui)

A Chocolate Orange (by Jacqui)

Annie Mall (by Fleur)

Joyeux Noel (by Fleur)

The Mighty Ruche (by Fleur)

Ginger Beard House (by Fleur)

How’s afraid of Virginia’s Wolf? (by Fleur)

Have a Sitar (by Fleur)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Helloes (by Fleur)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Cell Block H (by Fleur)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizzas (by Fleur)

Harry Potter and the Fresh Blood Prince (by Fleur)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Egrets (by Jacqui)

Harry Pottomus (by Fleur)

Iggy Ring Pop (by Jacqui)

Iggy Passion Pop (by Jacqui)

We’re all going straight to hell

Posted on March 28, 2016 by toearlyretirement

So some of our Easter themed blasphememes got quite blasphemy-y, oh well, we’re all going to hell anyway. Enjoy.

Christ in Dior (by Jacqui)

On the third day he rose, and selected the contestant who would go onto the next round (by Fleur)

Pieta-montes (by Fleur)

Bird on a Wire (by Jacqui)

So Long Marianne (by Jacqui)

Artful Jammy Dodger (by Fleur)

Oliver Twister (by Jacqui)

Machu Pikachu (by Jacqui)

Nachos Picchu (by Fleur)

Jeeves and Worcester (by Jacqui)

Jean-Paul Spartre (by Jacqui)

Che Guava-ra (by Jacqui)

Cuban Rissole Crisis (by Jaqui)

Marie Antoinette (by Jacqui)

Easter of Eden (by Jacqui)

Palm Sundae (by Jacqui)

The Passiona of the Christ (by Fleur)

Boston Tea Biscuit Party (by Fleur)

Addam’s Family Assorted (by Fleur)

Bagel of Pigs (by Fleur)

Jack-uzi (by Fleur)

Iceberg dead ahead (by Fleur)

Back to Biscuits

Posted on March 10, 2016 by toearlyretirement

So many Blasphememes can be made from biscuit brands. Also other things. So enjoy!

Betwix Two Ferns (by Fleur)

Janet! Dr Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! (feat. Sir Walter Scott, by Fleur)

Wind in the Willow Pattern (by Jacqui)

The Badgey in the Rye (by Jacqui)

Jean Paul Goatier (by Jacqui)

300s and 1000s (by Jacqui)

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in our selfies (by Jacqui)

Venus de Milo (by Jacqui)

Noam Chompsky (by Jacqui)

I heard that there were secret cords that David wore and it pleased the Lord (by Jacqui)

Michael Jambon (by Jacqui)

Leo Sao (by Jacqui)

Putting on the Ritz (by Fleur)

Iced Volvo (by Fleur)

Tupperwere (by Fleur)

Foil sealed for freshness (by Fleur)

Asterix and Obelisk (by Fleur)

Lenongrad, back in the USSR (by Fleur)

…and all that Jatz (by Fleur)

Guacamoley (by Jacqui)

Mr Toad in the Hole (by Fleur)

Ratty-a-touille (by Fleur)

How’s the Serenity (by Fleur)

Blasphememes on Holiday

Posted on February 22, 2016 by toearlyretirement

Today’s collection of Blasphememes took slightly longer to collate because Jacqui went on holiday and didn’t have the internet for two weeks. I mean really, how can one even function without the internet for two weeks!

But fear not, your favourite visual puns are back with some groan-worthy inclusions.This time it’s a bit of a literary theme.

Rock n Robin (by Fleur)

The Adventures of Tin Tin Tin (by Fleur)

Tom Waits for Godot (by Fleur)

I am Ozzymandias (by Jacqui)

I’ll be Bach (by Fleur)

A la recherche de Tom Perdue (by Jacqui)

Mary Shelley, Frank, n Stein (by Fleur)

Byronic Hero, Ironic Hero (by Fleur)

Ned’s lesser known first wife, Moll (by Fleur)

Freud in a slip (by Fleur)

Pooh and Piglet were confused, “didn’t you say Christopher Robin built St Paul’s?” (by Jacqui)

The Swiss Roll Family Robinson (by Jacqui)

There’s a Mr Death here, for the Life Drawing (by Fleur)

The Jung and the Restless (by Fleur)

Death in Venison (by Jacqui)

The Garden of Apricot Delights (by Jacqui)

The Thinking Man’s Crumpet (by Jacqui)

Mole Flanders (by Jacqui)

Turning back to God

Posted on January 26, 2016 by toearlyretirement

After our foray into Bowie-based Blasphememes, we have turned back to God for inspiration. Also featured in this collection are also a couple of Alan Rickman memorimemes.

Jelly Snapes (by Jacqui)

The Fetatron, the mouthpiece of God (by Fleur)

Cilla and Charybdis (by Jacqui)

David and Jonathon (by Jacqui)

God torments GOB ( who realises he’s made a huge mistake, by Fleur)

The Dam Busters (by Jacqui)

The Tower of Babybel (by Jacqui)

And Jesus said “Blessed are the On Fleek, for they shall inherit the Earth” (by Fleur)

Leviathan (featuring Levi Strauss in double denim, by Jacqui)

The Fall of Adam (Driver, by Fleur)

The Hare of Babylon (by Fleur)

Felicity Kendal Mintcake (by Fleur)

Memorimeming

Posted on January 18, 2016 by toearlyretirement

Unless you’ve been living under a rock this week, you’ll know that we lost two great performing heroes last week, Alan Rickman and David Bowie.

We here at Dances with Cucumbers were particularly struck by the loss of the Starman, and as such, out Blasphememes for this week are memorimemes. Vale David Bowie, you gave us so much.